I hate all girls vehemently.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
