We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
