I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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