I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
