i jhust puked up my retainher.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is Oprah even human
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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