Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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