at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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