After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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