problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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