i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
