i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My balls are so social today.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
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i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
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