Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
