I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
