I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
