Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
