My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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