Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize