I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
