I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
