people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
