If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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