I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
