You're my little dorito
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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