Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the gays at disneyland are vicious
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
