honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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