I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
