Can i not drive my cunt home
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
