Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
