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This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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