OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
