i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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