Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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