Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
