I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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