just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
