last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
