How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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