im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
