Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
