My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
