So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
