I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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