Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
