walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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