I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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