He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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