haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
