I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
