So drunk, too bad you don't want this
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
