forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
