imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?