I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
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UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
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All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.