wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
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I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.