Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.