I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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