Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
