She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
