i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
