i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
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I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
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I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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