i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
