just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
