Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
