I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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