She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
