I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
