are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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