Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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