Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
