"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
