Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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