and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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