Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
