i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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