im drinking this country out of the recession.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
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I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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