so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
