So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
