I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
