Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
