if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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