there's paper in my vomit.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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