Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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