Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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